A comment like this
"I’m pacing", Decker says to the girl in front of him to reassure the context and let things unfold with intention, a bit of control of the recording set up and a way to let her know where he's at.
As conversations become stalled and time seems to pass in a way that both of us get a bit bored, an inquiry towards the nature of the very conversation starts to pop out, and the possibility to speak it becomes more attainable.
This seems good, even constructive. We can practice it or watch masters of this kind of play get even better at this style of communication. But this may have a flaw.
What it is that happens when we say a comment like this.
In my experience, there is a split. A kind of experiment had begun. When I do this bluntly others may join me, but they instinctively know they are playing at, a kind of disregard for the real game, like in a kids game we know in advance we'll win. We don't really play, we never join. So we become audience to the monologue.
in Decker playbook any response after the meta comment has no higher or lower moral ground, it is all good. He says that's the only way he can really relate as a child, cause tip toeing around things drove him mad.
So we require others join. But in order to continue playing dismissal can not be an option, in the sense of playing at. This happened when the actress from LA joins Decker, but takes his meta comments as direction, not as a vulnerable share.
In his courses Decker teach guys speak the moment, get a shared understanding of what is like, thus detaching and seeing what's going on, thus no longer triggered by the heat of the moment, or the spotlight.
Carse says this in fact is not really a meta comment. The author of the finite and infinite games book makes it clear. He's playing a game in which those meta comments become a kind of revulsion in the other, thus ipso facto making the girl an opponent in his game. Thus a seduction, not a real vulnerable share.
Of course, originally those meta comments were made among friends, who care deeply to find out the roots of what was going on. Decker has no problem with students contrived attempts, but there's something lost.
As the practice becomes more formalized, in sentence stems that avoid subtle shaming or smuggling in assertions, the practice has its merits to meditate together, or relate to something that brings old things to the surface, thus a new revelation possible.
But Carse, despite his acute sensibility of theatrical play, and preference for the truly dramatic, sees this practice as just seduction.
In this case, the fancy red car are the skills themselves to call out the moment. Guys want that skills, to get the girl beyond just getting the girl. Get the girl's world is the claim to fame, as if we can truly enter her private kingdom through conversation. The problem is, we certainly can. But what about the double meaning of getting. Of course, is good to get the idea, but not getting it for yourself to do as you please.
But this seems to be the danger. I'm not sure yet if getting is the problem. In another regard co creating is what's stated as the main intention.
What's at stake here are those comments that become tools for power in the relationship. Of course we also see a level of surrender and positive spins to almost everything so the conversation become uplifting and rewarding for both. He can even use those meta comments to teach, and let his game played on him. That's what he considers a good relationship, even if he claims that any outcome is good, whatever happens is an opportunity to love ourselves more. Even if its deafness. "whatever happens is what happens, end of the story".
In practice, people sense the disingenuous. The join but only partially. They are expecting to see a master player that brings good outcomes before jumping with both feet. In my experience, those who join partially put the game in jeopardy, the quality lowers and becomes lopsided or a monologue without interest. Im not entirely sure of these remarks, but in my experience doing it like Decker, but without the kind of receptiveness that Decker has, only leads to stalled games.
Carse would say that this is cheating, but still no one can have the last word to shame or celebrate these practices.