Guys are stuck in first position
I went to say hello in public. I felt some chills realizing this before going out. I got a bye bye, and my response was louder than I would like it to be. Let's break this down.
After recording an audio about my experiences with women in a local context, ordinary moments under the microscope and under the usual template of Presence, appreciation and integrity, used also as a diagnosis tool. I'm wanting to create the next level. Test the waters in the field, see what happens and get back to register what happened under the lens of examination. Or the approximation of it.
This time at least three things happened. Im aware that I can switch to 'second position', a term used in the model to reefer to the imagined state of viewing ourselves, not literally, but only as a snap partial picture of what others could see when I approach or walk in the street.
Guys are stuck in first position, the coaches from amp used to say. But I'm weary if this switch. Our vision is ours cause I cannot see what you see, the religious scholar used to say (Carse). But at the same in another regard time we see as genius only when we see that other see as genius too. Have our field of vision recognizing that others have their own. That's why this whole second position business is a bit dangerous. It may be more powerful, but only for a while as nature snaps back and robs our sense of self quickly. I did it a couple of times, only to see nothing at all. And then I drop it and find a better problem to solve.
Ironically, the word also rob me this one. Only in a longer time span. If in the first template I said hello because of certain certainty that she did something I used to say. This time I came into a more general thing: reactions.
Action is generally praised here and there, as if we finally took control over our lives. Reaction it is viewed as a poor cousin, as only acting because someone else did something. But reactions can also be powerful if communal and if the tribe outvote us.
In the meantime I happen to be in a coffee shop, and see someone that I admire a bit. A silence of silencer obedience, like wanting to say something but finding that nothing fits. I signal a hello peace when he enters. He says bye when he leaves. I'm slightly embarrassed after the fact of realizing I was too loud.
As I get more into my head I lose connection with the boring present. Until a car enters though the exit, and I make a reaction. Like the powerful reaction saying gosh why did you break the rules. Like the communal one. But I realize that the script got flipped on its head. And now I feel really seen. Curiously by the corner of an anonymous car, curiously by no one.
I keep walking.