It was all an interpretation
"That, I would love to hear about," He said, when referring to topics they already know, circles that they've already circled.
In 2023, it was hard to leave out the cool ideas and serious good sounding bites of the program I've already talked about (AMP). But I wasn't ready to fully let go.
Three years later, I saw one crack in the code, one seam on the edge of the door, or hit rock bottom in terms of hearing the guys from the program really unfiltered.
Bottom line: They just hang out like anybody else. They know when the show starts.
The business they built on top of their natural stance is a cool way to forget that it was all an interpretation. That tiny slice of truth (they consciously leave anyway) reminds us that they give, but they know what they are giving, so a shade of performance, very subtle, very stripped down.
But I'm super skeptical right now. At least that's my intention. To see this whole thing and learn it inside out. That's why I now see those attempts as performance.
After I finish hearing the audio recording, I feel a new hope. Which I know is thwarted cause it may be another mask.
A couple of months ago, I did hear a recording about the issue of rejection and narcissistic needs in every approach. There was a famous poem quoted in the end.
Guess what?
I used that very recording as a mask, even if brief and about to be dismantled by its contradictions. I used the poem and quoted it as a way to overcome those blocks. But it's restless anyway. I never approached cold since.
Seductions can't be repeated. I didn't learned anything.
But now I'm aware of the pitfall. I tend to mask myself. I don't use a mask except in commercial engagements. This discloses subtle needs and flavors. But I don't press much. I don't use the mask to impress either. But I'm using the temporary rush to protect myself. As anybody.
Money can be one of those masks. Trust but ant-kind trust. Or like a colony of bacteria, cooperation but no heart. Security with an expiration date. Choice with the opportunity cost and so on.
We can still think on occasions of ourselves taking a sharp stance. In fact, I’ve been learning something through the years: I learned to strip unnecessary labels and go straight to what I felt seeing someone I like.
When I saw you, I noticed myself in relief. I felt GREAT for having implemented a quirky lesson at the moment's notice. Not in retrospect. I wasn't thinking about the program either.
How rare, that was good. That adds up to the emotional bank experience.
And. Skepticism weakened towards the origins of the AMP program. Contradictions rising again.
The guy who led the program once recalled a party in which he was definitely not having fun.
Disgusted.
Until three clowny guys with the same long, weird hats with stripes appear. He suddenly feels relieved at the party. That was enough; that was the same nature as the appreciation I felt for that walking girl.
I get now that after a genuine rush felt experience, plus sharp recollection, means getting to inspiration fairly quickly. CLEAR AS A BELL.
Inspiration to start seeing that the people we hang out already, or that we will hang out with in the near future, can play an endless interpretation game with me, I can show my extra knowledge as a mask or something. This can allow us to see their very lives as an interpretation. Thus, 'fun' and not carrying an extra load.
Convoluted... Yes. Maybe.
I will not be the guy who will deliver soundbites every time. This spirit may fade or depend on a rerun. That's fine also. But what I most want is: integration. Not of the mask, or the poem, but of the core lesson of it. Learned, at last.